Car goes BOOM!!!

Yesterday I crashed my car. I rear ended a car and really damaged the front of mine. His car (a suv) was mildly damaged. The thing that really is interesting to me is that when your mind tries to process an event like that there isn't really a stream of images, it is more choppy videao stills and feelings. It is very hard to remember what happened.

I am trying to sort out the reality as I know it so here it is. I saw that the light was green and looked down (big mistake) I looked up and saw the cart and slammed on my brakes. The brake pedal went all the way down and I couldn't stop, and I hit him. I got out of the car and I think he was putting away a cellphone. I can't be sure. Ultimately I was responsible and will have to see to all the legal and financial logistics. That really sucks.

The really great news is that I was able to have people show up at the accident to help me think about what to do. I then went to communities that I belong to and was able to tell the story over again and have them listen without criticism or comment and feel like I was being heard. The great thing about this is that now I can think. I made a mistake, it doesn't make me bad, just that I made a mistake. I will clean up that mistake by being accountable to the person I hit, the state and my insurnace company. It is not the end of the world and I get to see that I am not bad.

Powerful can not describe the sense of relief when I realize that I don't have to be alone in this. There are people who care for me and will support me through this and other moments in my life both good and bad.

More to come