The Days After Thanksgiving

I am in much better spirits, I worked out things with my wife and I am in much better spirits. God I love that woman. We have a relationship where hard stuff comes up and we have the vision of having a better marriage than our parents. So, we will work as hard as we can to make sure that happens. The cynical side of me says that this won't last and that we are being idealistic but the truth is that we are working the best that we can. It is better than not doing anything.

I was at the Friday noon prayer at the masjid and was moved by the speech given by the Shaykh. His ability to convey the tolerance of Islam with humor and grace was profound to see. I know that many Americans view Islam as a intolerant, violent religion, but the beauty I see is the same as when I have gone to certain churches. For me I have Islam is one of the most tolerant religions I have seen and has tried to stay true to its tenets. I guess one of the real reasons that this is so up for me is that, recently a martial arts associate had a religous epiphany and dedicated himself to the Christian faith. I had known him for a couple of years and I thought that we were friends. I had extended courtesy and hospitality to him and we had had many great conversations. When he professed his faith, it caused him to write a letter to our association and give his reasons for leaving. One of them was the intolerance of other religions and one of them being Islam. His case was that Islam taught its adherents to kill Christians and Jews. I was a little heartbroken when I read that letter, but I thought that he needs to find a path and so this is it then so be it.

There are so many paths to God as well as so many paths in Martial arts. It seems to me that truth is a big shiny sphere with many spokes. You find the one that resonates with you and then go from there. I read the last sentence and it seems a little simplistic and there is some real simpleness, Oh Well!!!

More to come

Thanksgiving Day

So it is Thanksgiving Day and I feel really out of sorts. Some background I am recently married and both me and my wife are in our 30's. We are trying to build a life together that is different from what our parents marriage was like, and so we do things like go to couples counseling and try to be allies to each other and talk about our feelings.

Now I don't want to sterotype men but like a lot of men I know talking about feelings is like pulling teeth, and peeling off your skin at the same time. Especially when talking honestly about what you feel as there is painful but small hope you might get it, but not getting that want or need is crushing. So this is all to say in our couples counseling ( I am a firm believer in Imago Therapy...I can't believe I even have an opinion) some really painful things came up for me. So I sit here on Thanksgiving day and wonder it worth feeling this way, I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I am trying to not eat sugar. Doesn't seem to be a lot else to do to stop feeling so bad.

But then I remember feeling bad isn't going to kill me, Making bad choices from feeling bad might. I have ways to stop feeling so bad, and it means talking to people and being close. Also things stereotypically men do not do. I am trying to break that mold for myself and for the men around me. I want to be able to hang out with guys and be honest not even necessarily deep. I mean I can get close to women but then sex confuses the issue alot of times, as I will get close to women I find attractive.

So I am sitting here typing and wondering whether I can feel better.

More to come

Slight Disappointment

I think the funny thing about writing on a blog is the fact that I was hoping that after 3 posts people would see it and become enamored and I would have lots of comments. There would be a community growing around my writing and I would have more contact. I am not sure if this is because I am not being personal enough or if I am not a good writer, or writing anything good. I suspect it is a combination of all three.

In my last post I did not really give a sense of who I am and will try to do so now. I was born in Europe and moved to Jamaica when I was young. As the oldest of two from Caribbean parents I remember more of my time in Jamaica than my sister. We then moved to the eastern United States when I was about 11.

The things that stand out for me was that it was cold and there was a lot of white people. In fact my sister and I still talk about this to this day. It was so different from what I knew up until that point.

I say all this because I suspect that all immigrants coming to this country have indelibly pictured a moment of first being in this country. It is like a first impression on a date and it stays with you. The impression that I got was that I and (my family) was alone in this country. I often wonder that when waves of immigrants arrive there is a traumatic experience that scars that group and like is then played out on the next group of immigrants coming in. In a lot of ways I am a soft hearted Idealist (with a strong learned pragmatic streak) and hope to have immigrants realize their role in this country.

Immigrants bring change and new ideas which is often needed for a country to flourish. I have lots of jumbled thoughts on this and need to think about it more.


More to come

Thoughts on issues of being male

I recently read a blog of a woman and she was talking about some interactions she has had with Jamaican men. This got me to thinking of things I have observed in this country as well as Jamaica when I was there last.

No doubt about it misogyny is on the rise and is being taught to our youth. Especially disturbing is the way that effects young men, the effects on young women are immediately apparent (and long lasting). Young men are taught to be tough, emotionally shut down, and that there worth is is proven by how many women they have slept with. Coupled with intense homophobia you have a real recipe for disaster when young heterosexual men try to relate to young heterosexual women. I certainly went through that phase and rememeber drinking a lot, doing a fair amount of drugs and having lots of random sex.

I feel that most young men want to be close with someone and intense pressure from society makes it so difficult. Young men need a break and need to be mentored, listened to, encouraged (of course the same thing for young women). I believe that a concerted effort in this country to empower and treasure youth would go a long way in solving this country's social ills.

More to come

Wonders

I am enamored with this and seem really silly that I can write my thoughts down and have it published. I am going to day to get my passport renewed and have lots of thoughts about the whole process. I am not a US citizen and when I have to deal with issues around nationality my confusion about being in this country comes up.

I have had most of my formative years in this country, have had girlfriends, friends and experiences that I couldn't have had anywhere else. I am influenced by American culture and ideals. Still I feel that as an immigrant (came here when I was 11) I have a different view of the world. In some ways more compassionate and in some ways harder. The ambivalence I feel towards the US is indicative of the confusion I feel about where I fit in in this country.

I have had recent thoughts to get of the fence and stake my claim in this country. To fight for what I believe in here. To rail against the injustices I percieve and to work with like minded folks to push my agendas forward. In other words to participate.

More to come

Just Starting

I am just starting this blog as I am fascinated by the idea of posting your thoughts into the ether to be read. I hope to have stuff to say or even just ramblings, but what I really want is to break the fear of being visible ( I know I am not really). I have aspirations of being a writer and I hope this will help inspire me.

One of the things i saw today on my way home from New York was a Makers Whiskey ad. It had the image of someone pouring a bottle of whiskey and the liquid outlining and shimmering a christmas tree. I couldn't help but think Christ did not die on a cross so I could drink.

Hopefully more to come.